Heartache....

Life.  Sometimes ignorance is bliss.  Sometimes you just can't pretend something isn't wrong....

Last night I tried to bury myself under the covers and begged for sleep to take images out of my brain.  My Dad had called last night to say that his cancer (melanoma) has returned.... in the lymph nodes under his jaw.  On meeting with the ear/nose/throat surgeon, he discovered that this surgery would NOT be a simple "lumpectomy", but a 5-6 hour surgery which would leave the right side of his face, temple to neck hollow, and therefore disfigured.  My heart sank.  I can't imagine going into a surgery like that. The doctor said it might buy him another year, year-and-a-half.  I want to go home and be with him before, and for some time after, the surgery.  Although I have an art gallery to take care of, it's a slow time of year.  As an artist, I am comforted by the fact that I can lose myself in an on-line course with a teacher I admire.

(sigh)..... Life.

I wish I could take away the hurt and the pain.  I've already lost Mom to cancer, and I'm not ready to lose my Dad... (are we ever ready?)

I'm not accepting that I am to be the matriarch in our family once he has gone.   I am the oldest of the five siblings.  It's so nice to know that you have a Mom and a Dad who is there for you, and a Grandma and Grandpa, and Aunts and Uncles, no matter what your age.  

Once again, life is reminding me to enjoy every moment and not to take anything, or anyone, for granted.

Treasure your days and the most ordinary moments with those you love.